that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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