I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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