everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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