i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
