Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
