Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
