First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
