You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
