Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
