dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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