was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i think i just lost a toe
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
