mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
