i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
