You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am spending my child support on dildos
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
