you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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