i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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