It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
