You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
