If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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