Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
