Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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