the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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