it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
