I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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