Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
