Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
