my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
