She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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