i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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