Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
