You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
