I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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