2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He? As in you personified your dick?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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