its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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