Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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