My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
