Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
