Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
