Don't you send me to vm
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
