just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
