I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
