you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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