I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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