jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
