He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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