This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
