My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
