Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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