Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
