So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
someone owes me an orgasm
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
