I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
