Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
