I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
