Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Welp...herpes.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
