bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
